I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
