I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize