She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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