Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
