u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
