if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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