If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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