I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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