I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
