Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
