Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
FUCK WHALES
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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