I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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