He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
