oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
