Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
