I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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