I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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