and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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