im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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