So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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