dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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