You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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