my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
