Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
