My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
