So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
