my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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