We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
