YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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