this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish you could order shots online.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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