My underwear smells like fireworks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
