whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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