I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
