Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
