If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
