Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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