Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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