Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
