u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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