i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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