Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
