3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
