I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
