i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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