We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
