Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
