sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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