Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
