After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
