A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
