you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
