i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
