drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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