so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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