when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My vagina is officially offended.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
