just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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