If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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