Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
