I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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