i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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