it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
