She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
