my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
