i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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