Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
